Navigate the challenges of merging families and stepparenting
Dating After Divorce
beginner
Rebuild confidence and navigate the dating world after divorce
Ending a Toxic Relationship
intermediate
Recognize patterns, set boundaries, and safely exit unhealthy relationships
Family Estrangement
advanced
Cope with and potentially heal family rifts
Grieving a Loss
intermediate
Process grief and find meaning after losing a loved one
Improving Marriage
intermediate
Strengthen communication, intimacy, and partnership in your marriage
Long Distance Relationship
beginner
Maintain connection and trust across distance
Navigating Divorce
intermediate
Complete guide to managing the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of divorce
Parenting Teenagers
intermediate
Navigate adolescence with communication and boundaries
Recovering from Infidelity
advanced
Rebuild trust or move forward after betrayal
Complete Relationships Planning Guide Collection
575 planning questions and 0 expert readings across 10 guides.
Planning Questions
Write about a specific moment in the past 3 months when you felt excited about blending your families. What were you doing? What made that moment feel right?
Document 3 times you've seen your partner interact with your children. What did you notice about their approach? What felt natural vs. what seemed forced?
Think about how you were parented as a child. List 3 specific things your parents did that you want to repeat, and 3 you want to avoid. Why?
Reflect on a recent conflict between children in your household. What was really happening beneath the surface? What needs weren't being met?
Write about your biggest fear regarding blending families. When do you imagine this fear showing up? What would trigger it?
Document a moment when you felt torn between your partner and your children. What was the situation? How did you handle it? What would you do differently?
Think about your current evening routine on weekdays. Note what feels chaotic vs. what flows smoothly. What patterns do you see?
List 5 family traditions from your previous family structure. Which ones do your children mention most? What do those traditions represent to them?
Reflect on how each of your children has responded to this transition so far. Write one specific behavior you've noticed from each child that tells you how they're really doing.
Write about a time when you and your partner had completely different reactions to a parenting situation. What values were clashing in that moment?
Write about the moment you knew your marriage was ending. What specific event, conversation, or realization made it clear? How do you feel about that moment now compared to when it happened?
Document 3-5 times during your marriage when you felt most like yourself. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made those moments feel authentic to you?
Reflect on the last 6 months of your marriage. What patterns do you notice in how you and your ex-spouse communicated (or didn't)? Which of these patterns do you recognize from previous relationships?
List 5 things you compromised on in your marriage that you wouldn't compromise on again. For each, write why it mattered more than you realized at the time.
Write about a time in the past year when you felt genuinely happy or content, completely separate from dating or relationships. What were you doing? What does this tell you about what you need in your life?
Document what you miss most about being married (not your ex-spouse specifically, but the state of being married). What does this reveal about what you're actually looking for?
Reflect on how you've changed since your wedding day. What values have shifted? What do you care about now that you didn't then? What matters less?
Write about 3 moments in your marriage when you ignored your gut instinct. What were the red flags? What stopped you from listening to yourself? How can you recognize that feeling now?
Think about the version of yourself your ex-spouse knew. What parts of that person do you want to keep? What parts were you performing or suppressing? Who are you when you're not trying to save a failing marriage?
Document your relationship with being alone right now. When do you feel lonely versus when do you feel peacefully alone? What's the difference? What does this tell you about your readiness?
Write about 3 specific moments in the past 6 months when you felt your boundaries were violated. What happened? How did you feel in your body? What did you tell yourself afterward?
Describe a time before this relationship when you felt genuinely respected by a partner or close friend. What did that person do differently? How did you feel around them compared to now?
Document the last 5 times you apologized in this relationship. For each: What were you apologizing for? Did you actually do something wrong? How did you feel before vs after apologizing?
Think about conversations with this person over the past month. Write about 3 instances when you felt confused, blamed, or questioned your own memory of events. What was said?
Reflect on what you used to enjoy doing before this relationship intensified. What activities have you stopped? What friendships have faded? When did you notice these changes?
Write about how you feel on Sunday nights or the night before seeing this person. What physical sensations come up? What thoughts run through your mind? When did this pattern start?
Document 3 times in the past month when you felt happy or excited, then immediately felt guilty or anxious about feeling good. What triggered the happiness? What made you feel guilty?
Describe how you talk to yourself now versus a year ago. What has changed about your inner voice? Write down specific phrases you say to yourself that you didn't before.
Think about decisions you've made in the past 6 months - big or small. How many times did you second-guess yourself? What makes it hard to trust your own judgment now?
Write about 3 aspects of yourself that you've questioned because of this relationship. What did you used to believe about yourself? What do you doubt now? What caused each shift?
Write about the specific moment or incident when you realized the relationship had fundamentally changed. What was said or done? What did you feel in your body?
Document three times in the past year when you thought about this family member unexpectedly. What triggered each memory? What emotion came with it?
Reflect on your earliest memory of feeling unsafe or uncomfortable with this family member. How old were you? What pattern started then that continues now?
List the last five interactions you had with this family member before the estrangement or distance increased. For each, note: Who initiated? What went wrong? How did you feel afterward?
Write about a time when you tried to explain your feelings or needs to this family member. What did you say? How did they respond? What did that response teach you?
Document what holidays or family events were like before the estrangement. What role did you play? What was expected of you? What did you dread?
Reflect on three moments when someone outside your family commented on your family dynamics. What did they notice that you hadn't named? How did you react to their observation?
Write about who you are when you're not around this family member versus who you become in their presence. What changes in your voice, posture, choices, or confidence?
List every emotion you feel when you think about this family member—not just the main one, but all the contradictory feelings. Which one surprises you most?
Document three specific things this family member said or did that you still think about. Why do these particular moments stick with you? What boundary did they cross?
Write about the last ordinary moment you shared with the person you lost. What were you doing? What did you talk about? What made that moment feel normal at the time?
Reflect on the past week. List 3-5 specific moments when grief hit you unexpectedly (a song, a smell, a place, a time of day). What triggered each wave? How long did it last?
Think about how you've been describing this loss to others. Write down the exact words or phrases you find yourself repeating. What are you NOT saying out loud that you're thinking?
Document 3 qualities or traits of the person you lost that you're afraid people will forget. What specific stories or examples show those qualities? Who else remembers these things?
Reflect on the last time you experienced a significant loss (person, pet, relationship, opportunity). How did you cope then? What helped? What made it harder? How is this loss similar or different?
Write about the hardest time of day right now. Is it waking up? Coming home? Weekends? Bedtime? What specifically makes that time harder than others? What was that time like before?
Think about your relationship with this person over the years. Write about how it changed - 3 different phases or chapters. What defined each period? What do you wish you could go back and do differently?
List the physical sensations of your grief over the past few days. Where do you feel it in your body? Chest? Stomach? Throat? Shoulders? When is it most intense? When does it ease?
Reflect on what you expected grief to feel like versus what it actually feels like. What surprises you? What's harder than you thought? What's different from what people told you it would be like?
Write about a conversation you wish you'd had with this person. What would you have asked? What would you have told them? What do you think they would have said back?
Expert Readings
Available Guides
Building a Blended Family
Navigate the challenges of merging families and stepparenting
Dating After Divorce
Rebuild confidence and navigate the dating world after divorce
Ending a Toxic Relationship
Recognize patterns, set boundaries, and safely exit unhealthy relationships
Family Estrangement
Cope with and potentially heal family rifts
Grieving a Loss
Process grief and find meaning after losing a loved one
Improving Marriage
Strengthen communication, intimacy, and partnership in your marriage
Long Distance Relationship
Maintain connection and trust across distance
Navigating Divorce
Complete guide to managing the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of divorce
Parenting Teenagers
Navigate adolescence with communication and boundaries
Recovering from Infidelity
Rebuild trust or move forward after betrayal
Complete Relationships Planning Resources
Comprehensive collection of 0 expert readings and 575 planning questions across 10 guides for relationships.
All Relationships Planning Questions
Write about 3 specific moments in the past 6 months when you felt your boundaries were violated. What happened? How did you feel in your body? What did you tell yourself afterward?
Write about 3 specific moments in the past 6 months when you felt closest to your partner. What were you doing? What made those moments feel different from regular interactions?
Write about the moment you knew your marriage was ending. What specific event, conversation, or realization made it clear? How do you feel about that moment now compared to when it happened?
Write about the specific moment or incident when you realized the relationship had fundamentally changed. What was said or done? What did you feel in your body?
Write about 3 specific moments in the past 6 months when you felt genuinely happy with your partner. What were you doing? What made those moments feel different from your everyday interactions?
Write about a specific moment in the past 3 months when you felt excited about blending your families. What were you doing? What made that moment feel right?
Write about the exact moment you first thought 'maybe this marriage isn't working.' Where were you? What triggered it? How long ago was that moment compared to now?
Write about the moment you found out about the infidelity. What did you physically feel in your body? What was the first thought that went through your mind? What did you do in the first hour after you found out?
Write about the last ordinary moment you shared with the person you lost. What were you doing? What did you talk about? What made that moment feel normal at the time?
Think about the moment you realized your child was becoming a teenager. What specific change did you notice? What did you feel? How did you respond?
Reflect on the past week. List 3-5 specific moments when grief hit you unexpectedly (a song, a smell, a place, a time of day). What triggered each wave? How long did it last?
Reflect on the last time you had a conflict that left you feeling disconnected for more than a day. What was the pattern - what triggered it, how did it escalate, how did it resolve (or not)?
Reflect on the past 6 months before you discovered the infidelity. List 3-5 specific moments when something felt off but you couldn't name it. What did you notice? What did you tell yourself to explain it away?
Document 5 specific conflicts or moments of disconnection from the past year. For each: What happened? What did you need that you didn't get? What pattern do you see across all 5?
Recall a conversation with your teen from the past month that went well. What were you talking about? What did you do differently? What made them open up?
Think about the last time you had a conflict in this relationship. How did the distance affect how you handled it? What would have been different if you were in the same place?
Document 3 times you've seen your partner interact with your children. What did you notice about their approach? What felt natural vs. what seemed forced?
Document 3-5 times during your marriage when you felt most like yourself. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made those moments feel authentic to you?
Document three times in the past year when you thought about this family member unexpectedly. What triggered each memory? What emotion came with it?
Describe a time before this relationship when you felt genuinely respected by a partner or close friend. What did that person do differently? How did you feel around them compared to now?
Think back to the first year of your relationship. Write down 5 things you used to do together that made you feel close. Which of these still happen? When did they stop?
Think about your reaction when you first found out compared to how you feel right now. Write about what's changed in how you're processing this. What feels different? What still hits you the same way?
Write about a time in the past year when you and your teen clashed. What triggered it? What did you each say? What do you wish you'd done differently?
Think about how you've been describing this loss to others. Write down the exact words or phrases you find yourself repeating. What are you NOT saying out loud that you're thinking?
Reflect on the last 6 months of your marriage. What patterns do you notice in how you and your ex-spouse communicated (or didn't)? Which of these patterns do you recognize from previous relationships?
Think about how you were parented as a child. List 3 specific things your parents did that you want to repeat, and 3 you want to avoid. Why?
Reflect on your earliest memory of feeling unsafe or uncomfortable with this family member. How old were you? What pattern started then that continues now?
Document the last 5 times you apologized in this relationship. For each: What were you apologizing for? Did you actually do something wrong? How did you feel before vs after apologizing?
Think back to the last time you felt genuinely happy and connected in your marriage. Describe that day in detail. When was it? What made it different? Why can't you recreate those moments now?
Document your typical emotional pattern during a week apart. When do you miss them most? When do you feel most independent? What triggers anxiety or doubt?
Document 3 times in the past month when you wanted to share something with your partner but didn't. What stopped you? What does this pattern tell you?
Reflect on your past relationships. What emotional needs were met through physical presence? Which of those needs feel unmet now, and which have you found other ways to satisfy?
Document the times in the past month when the betrayal hits you hardest. What triggers it? (Certain times of day? Places? Activities?) What pattern do you notice about when you spiral vs when you feel more stable?
Document 3 qualities or traits of the person you lost that you're afraid people will forget. What specific stories or examples show those qualities? Who else remembers these things?
Reflect on your own teenage years. What did you need most from your parents? What did they do that helped? What hurt?
List the last five interactions you had with this family member before the estrangement or distance increased. For each, note: Who initiated? What went wrong? How did you feel afterward?
List 5 things you compromised on in your marriage that you wouldn't compromise on again. For each, write why it mattered more than you realized at the time.
Reflect on your relationship with your parents' marriage. What did you learn about marriage from watching them? How has that shaped what you expect, tolerate, or fear in your own?
Think about conversations with this person over the past month. Write about 3 instances when you felt confused, blamed, or questioned your own memory of events. What was said?
Reflect on a recent conflict between children in your household. What was really happening beneath the surface? What needs weren't being met?
Write about a time in the past year when you felt genuinely happy or content, completely separate from dating or relationships. What were you doing? What does this tell you about what you need in your life?
Reflect on past relationships or betrayals in your life (family, friends, previous partners). Write about a time before this when someone broke your trust. How did you respond then? What does that tell you about how you handle betrayal?
Write about a time in the past month when you felt jealous, insecure, or worried about the relationship. What specific trigger caused it? How did you handle it?
Reflect on what you used to enjoy doing before this relationship intensified. What activities have you stopped? What friendships have faded? When did you notice these changes?
List every attempt you've made to fix or improve the relationship in the past 2 years. For each: What did you try? How did your partner respond? What does this pattern tell you?
Write about a time when you tried to explain your feelings or needs to this family member. What did you say? How did they respond? What did that response teach you?
Reflect on the last time you experienced a significant loss (person, pet, relationship, opportunity). How did you cope then? What helped? What made it harder? How is this loss similar or different?
Write about your biggest fear regarding blending families. When do you imagine this fear showing up? What would trigger it?
Document the last 3 times you said "no" to your teen. What were they asking for? What was your reason? How did they react? What does this pattern reveal?
Reflect on how you and your partner handle stress. When one of you is overwhelmed, what typically happens to the other person? Write about a recent example.
Think about your communication over the past two weeks. What percentage was logistical planning versus deep emotional connection? What does this ratio tell you?
Document what holidays or family events were like before the estrangement. What role did you play? What was expected of you? What did you dread?
Write about a time in the past 6 months when you imagined your life without your spouse. What were you doing? What emotion came up - relief, fear, sadness, excitement? What does that feeling tell you?
Think about your parents' marriages or the relationships you witnessed growing up. What patterns from those relationships do you see showing up in your own marriage?
Document a moment when you felt torn between your partner and your children. What was the situation? How did you handle it? What would you do differently?
Write about the story you told yourself about your relationship before the infidelity. What did you believe about your partner? About yourself? About your relationship? How has that story shattered or changed?
Document what you miss most about being married (not your ex-spouse specifically, but the state of being married). What does this reveal about what you're actually looking for?
Write about how you feel on Sunday nights or the night before seeing this person. What physical sensations come up? What thoughts run through your mind? When did this pattern start?
Write about the hardest time of day right now. Is it waking up? Coming home? Weekends? Bedtime? What specifically makes that time harder than others? What was that time like before?
Think about when you feel most connected to your teen. What are you doing together? What time of day? What makes those moments different from the rest?
Document 3 times in the past month when you felt happy or excited, then immediately felt guilty or anxious about feeling good. What triggered the happiness? What made you feel guilty?
Reflect on three moments when someone outside your family commented on your family dynamics. What did they notice that you hadn't named? How did you react to their observation?
Think about your current evening routine on weekdays. Note what feels chaotic vs. what flows smoothly. What patterns do you see?
Think about the last 3 times you felt truly safe and loved in this relationship (before the infidelity). What was happening? What did your partner do that made you feel that way? Can you imagine feeling that way again with them?
Write about a time when you felt truly understood by your partner. What did they do or say? When was the last time you felt this way?
Reflect on how you've changed since your wedding day. What values have shifted? What do you care about now that you didn't then? What matters less?
Document how you talk about your spouse to others. What do you say to close friends versus acquaintances? When did you stop defending them or making excuses? What changed?
Describe 3 moments when you felt frustrated with the distance. Not general frustration—specific incidents. What unmet need was underneath each one?
Think about your relationship with this person over the years. Write about how it changed - 3 different phases or chapters. What defined each period? What do you wish you could go back and do differently?
Write about a recent moment when your teen surprised you - either positively or negatively. What assumptions did you have? What does this tell you about how well you know them now?
Reflect on the division of household responsibilities and mental load. Which tasks cause the most friction? What does this conflict really represent?
List 5 family traditions from your previous family structure. Which ones do your children mention most? What do those traditions represent to them?
Think about intimacy - emotional and physical - over the past year. Map the decline or changes. What specific moments marked shifts? Did you stop trying or did they?
Describe how you talk to yourself now versus a year ago. What has changed about your inner voice? Write down specific phrases you say to yourself that you didn't before.
List the physical sensations of your grief over the past few days. Where do you feel it in your body? Chest? Stomach? Throat? Shoulders? When is it most intense? When does it ease?
Write about who you are when you're not around this family member versus who you become in their presence. What changes in your voice, posture, choices, or confidence?
Recall how your parents handled your teenage years. What rules did they have? How did you feel about it then? How do you feel about it now?
Reflect on how you spend your alone time now versus before the distance. What have you gained in terms of personal growth, hobbies, or friendships?
Document your emotional patterns over the past 2 weeks. When do you feel: angry vs numb vs sad vs surprisingly okay? Is there a pattern? What helps you move through the hard emotions vs what keeps you stuck?
Write about 3 moments in your marriage when you ignored your gut instinct. What were the red flags? What stopped you from listening to yourself? How can you recognize that feeling now?
Reflect on how each of your children has responded to this transition so far. Write one specific behavior you've noticed from each child that tells you how they're really doing.
Write about the last visit or time together. What felt natural and easy? What felt awkward or forced? What does this tell you about your relationship foundation?
Reflect on what you expected grief to feel like versus what it actually feels like. What surprises you? What's harder than you thought? What's different from what people told you it would be like?
Reflect on who you've told about the infidelity and who you haven't. For each person, write why you chose to tell them or not. What does this pattern tell you about what you need right now?
List every emotion you feel when you think about this family member—not just the main one, but all the contradictory feelings. Which one surprises you most?
Reflect on the parent you imagined you'd be versus who you are with your teen. What's different? What's harder than you expected? What matters less than you thought?
Think about decisions you've made in the past 6 months - big or small. How many times did you second-guess yourself? What makes it hard to trust your own judgment now?
Document your physical intimacy patterns over the past 3 months. When do you feel most connected physically? What gets in the way? What does this pattern reveal?
Think about the version of yourself your ex-spouse knew. What parts of that person do you want to keep? What parts were you performing or suppressing? Who are you when you're not trying to save a failing marriage?
Reflect on what you're grieving or afraid to lose. Is it the person, the idea of marriage, the lifestyle, the family structure, your identity as a spouse, or something else?
Write about a moment in the past month when you felt like yourself - even briefly. What were you doing? What made that moment different from the times when you feel consumed by the betrayal?
Document your relationship with being alone right now. When do you feel lonely versus when do you feel peacefully alone? What's the difference? What does this tell you about your readiness?
Write about 3 aspects of yourself that you've questioned because of this relationship. What did you used to believe about yourself? What do you doubt now? What caused each shift?
Think about your teen's other parent or co-parent (if applicable). How do your parenting styles differ? When does this cause conflict? When does it actually help?
Write about 3 times you stayed silent instead of speaking up about something that bothered you. What were you protecting - the peace, their feelings, your image, the marriage itself?
Write about a conversation you wish you'd had with this person. What would you have asked? What would you have told them? What do you think they would have said back?
Think about Sunday nights (or the night before you both start your week). What emotion comes up? When did this pattern start? What need is driving it?
Document three specific things this family member said or did that you still think about. Why do these particular moments stick with you? What boundary did they cross?
Think about the last 5 decisions you made together (big or small). How did those conversations go? What pattern emerges about how you make choices as a couple?
Write about a time when you and your partner had completely different reactions to a parenting situation. What values were clashing in that moment?
Think about the language you use. Do you say "my kids" and "your kids" or "our kids"? Document when you use each phrase and what triggers the distinction.
Think about your self-worth before this happened vs now. Write about what you believed about yourself 6 months ago. What has this experience made you question about yourself? What remains unchanged?
Reflect on what you needed from this family member that you never received. When did you first realize they couldn't or wouldn't provide it?
Reflect on what you needed from a partner when you first got married versus what you need now. How have your needs evolved? Have you communicated these changes?
Document 3 times in your life when you successfully adapted to a major change. What strategies helped you? Which of those could apply to this distance?
Reflect on compliments or achievements from the past year. How did this person respond when good things happened to you? Write down their exact reactions to 3 specific wins you had.
Document times in the past 6 months when you felt proud of your teen. What were they doing? Did you tell them? Why or why not?
Document the things you're doing on autopilot right now - daily tasks you complete without thinking. Which routines feel comforting? Which feel meaningless? Which remind you of them?
Document your physical and emotional symptoms over the past 6 months. Sleep changes? Anxiety? Depression? Anger? When do these symptoms intensify - around your spouse, thinking about the future, or always?
List 3-5 beliefs you had about relationships before your marriage, and how those beliefs have changed. What did experience teach you that you couldn't have learned any other way?
Write about the version of yourself you present to other family members about the estrangement. What do you emphasize? What do you minimize? Why?
Reflect on your relationship with your ex-partner/co-parent. What specific situations reliably create tension? What patterns keep repeating?
Write about a moment when you felt lonely despite being with your partner. What was missing in that moment? How often does this happen?
Reflect on what "trust" means to you specifically. Not the dictionary definition—what behaviors, communication patterns, or reassurances make YOU feel secure?
Think about the moments when you forget, even briefly, that they're gone. What brings you back to reality? How does it feel when you remember again? What do you feel about those forgetting moments?
Research what's changed in the dating world since you last dated. What apps exist? What's the current etiquette? Document 5 specific things that are different from when you met your ex-spouse.
Reflect on the best relationship you've ever witnessed (parents, friends, mentors). What made that relationship work? What did trust look like in that relationship? How does that compare to what you have now?
Think back to the first 3 months of this relationship. What felt exciting then that you now recognize as a red flag? What did you dismiss or explain away?
Think about the version of yourself from 5 years ago. What would surprise them about who you've become in this marriage? What parts of yourself have you lost or hidden?
Write about a fear you have about your teen's future. When did this fear start? How does it affect your daily decisions? Is it based on their reality or your projection?
Document times when friends or family expressed concern about this relationship. What did they say? How did you defend or explain your partner's behavior? What do you think now?
Reflect on how your relationship with your teen has changed in the past year. What conversations have stopped? What new tensions have appeared? What do you miss?
Document 3 times in your relationship when you compromised something important to you (a value, a boundary, a need). What did you compromise? Why? What pattern do you see in what you're willing to sacrifice for this relationship?
Interview 3 divorced friends who are dating about their experiences. What surprised them? What advice do they wish they'd had? What did they learn the hard way?
Document a time when you felt guilty about the estrangement. What triggered it? Whose voice or values were behind that guilt?
Write about a moment when your partner's child did something that bothered you, but you weren't sure if you had the right to address it. What held you back?
Reflect on your family or friend group's grief style. Who talks about the loss openly? Who avoids it? Who do you match most closely? How does everyone else's grieving affect your own?
Write about your social life right now. Are you withdrawing, overcompensating, or finding balance? What pattern from past difficult times are you repeating?
Reflect on conversations you've had (or avoided) about divorce. Who did you talk to first? What made you finally say it out loud? How did naming it change things?
Think about your different communication styles - when do they complement each other, and when do they clash? Write about a recent example of each.
Write about your gut instinct right now. If you quiet all the other voices (what others think, fear of being alone, sunk cost, hope), what is your gut actually telling you? When did you first feel that instinct?
List your core values - authenticity, peace, growth, family unity, commitment, happiness. For each, write how staying vs. leaving aligns or conflicts with that value.
Write down your top 10 non-negotiable values in a partner. For each, note: Is this based on what you lacked in your marriage, or what you've always needed? How will you recognize this value in someone new?
Reflect on the last time you felt proud of your partner. What were they doing? When was the last time you told them about it?
Document what "family" meant to you before this transition vs. what it means now. What has changed in your definition?
Write about something this person taught you or changed in you. How do you see that influence showing up in your life now? What part of them lives on through you?
Think about other parents of teens you know. What do you envy about their relationship with their teen? What do you judge? What does this tell you about your values?
Describe the pattern of conflict in this relationship. After a fight or incident, what happens? How long until things feel 'normal'? How many times has this cycle repeated?
Think about the moment you decided to do long distance. What fear did you NOT voice out loud? How is that unspoken fear showing up now?
Reflect on how you talk to yourself about this situation. What do you call yourself? What story do you tell yourself about why this happened?
Think about quiet moments - car rides, meals, before bed. When does conversation flow naturally between all family members? When does silence feel awkward?
List three ways this estrangement has changed your identity or how you see yourself in the world. Are these changes losses, gains, or both?
Reflect on what "trust" means to you specifically. Not the dictionary definition - what does it actually feel like in your body when you trust someone? When did you last feel that with your partner? Can you imagine feeling it again?
Write about what staying for another year would look like. Be specific: same patterns, therapy attempts, separate bedrooms? What would have to change for staying to feel right? Is that change realistic?
Write about a time you tried to leave or create distance in this relationship. What happened? What did the other person do or say? Why did you stay or come back?
Track your interactions for the next 3 days: How many times do you have meaningful conversations (not logistics)? How many times do you touch affectionately? What patterns do you notice?
Document your current life constraints and how they affect dating. Kids' schedules? Co-parenting logistics? Work demands? Financial considerations? Be specific about the time and energy you actually have available.
Document your internal dialogue about grief. What are you telling yourself you "should" be doing? Where are those shoulds coming from? What would you tell a friend going through this?
Reflect on your partner's last expression of love or commitment. Did you fully receive it, or did doubt/distance make you discount it? What does your response pattern tell you?
Write about the last time your teen came to you for help or advice. What did they need? How did you respond? What made them choose to ask you?
Research what couples therapists say about recovering from infidelity. Find 3 articles or expert sources and document: What do they say is necessary for rebuilding trust? What are the success factors? What are the warning signs that reconciliation won't work?
Document specific behaviors that made you feel unsafe (emotionally or physically). For each, rate severity 1-10 and note if frequency is increasing, staying same, or decreasing.
Research your state's divorce laws. What are the grounds for divorce? Is it a no-fault state? What's the typical timeline? How does legal separation differ from divorce in your jurisdiction?
Track your communication for the next 3 days. Log each interaction: time, duration, topic, emotional quality (1-10). What patterns emerge?
Track your teen's mood patterns over the next week. Note: What time of day are they most approachable? When are they most irritable? What patterns emerge?
Research the "Five Love Languages" framework. Write down your primary and secondary love languages, and what you think your partner's are. Document 3 recent examples that support your assessment.
Interview each child individually (age-appropriate). Ask: "What's the best part of our new family? What's the hardest part?" Document their exact words.
Research and list 5 different ways people meet partners that don't involve dating apps. Which ones align with your interests and lifestyle? Which feel authentic to who you are now?
Write about what you miss most and what you don't miss at all. What does this contrast tell you about what you actually needed versus what you wanted?
Research 3-5 types or models of grief (anticipatory, complicated, disenfranchised, etc.). Which description resonates most with your experience? What does that tell you about what you might need?
Document all the ways your teen communicates with you in a typical week: texts, in-person talks, grunts, silence. Which mode works best for real conversations? What topics work in which format?
Research warning signs of escalating abuse. Which ones match your situation? Note specific recent examples of each warning sign you identify.
Make a list of the last 5-10 people you felt attracted to or interested in (even if you didn't act on it). What common threads do you notice? How do these patterns compare to what attracted you to your ex-spouse?
Create a timeline of your relationship's major transitions (marriage, moves, job changes, kids, losses). Mark which periods felt strongest and which felt most strained. What correlations do you see?
Document the full disclosure conversation. Write down everything you need to know about what happened (timeline, how many times, who they told, if protection was used, emotional vs physical, if it's ongoing). Don't ask yet - just list what you need to know to make a decision.
Research the end date or timeline. Is there a specific date when the distance ends? If not, what needs to happen first? Document the concrete steps and realistic timeline.
Identify 3 people in your life who have experienced significant loss. For each, note: How long ago was their loss? How do they talk about it now? What did they do that seemed to help them? What can you ask them?
Gather all financial documents you can access. List: bank accounts, retirement accounts, investments, debts, mortgages, credit cards, insurance policies. What's missing? What's only in your spouse's name?
Map out your family system by creating a chart: Who takes what role (peacemaker, aggressor, victim, golden child, scapegoat)? What happens when someone steps out of their role?
Map out a typical week's schedule for each child. Include school, activities, which home they're at, and transition times. Where are the pressure points?
Calculate the actual costs of your current visit frequency: flights, time off work, accommodations. Is this sustainable for 6 months? 1 year? 2 years?
Research and document: What are your partner's non-negotiable parenting rules? List them. Then list yours. Circle where they conflict.
List all the grief support resources available in your area: grief counselors, support groups (in-person and online), religious/spiritual communities, hospice aftercare, crisis lines. Note which ones specialize in your type of loss.
Research your partner's behavior since the disclosure. Document specific actions: Have they taken full responsibility? Are they defensive or remorseful? Have they cut off contact with the other person? Have they offered transparency? List concrete behaviors you've observed.
Document your typical weekday evening routine hour by hour. How much quality time do you actually spend together? What's competing for your attention?
Calculate your complete household finances. Document: combined monthly income, all expenses, shared debts, assets. What's the total picture? What don't you know?
List your current rules and boundaries for your teen. For each: When was it established? Do they follow it? What happens when they don't? Which ones cause the most conflict?
Research and document the concept of "enmeshment" or "emotional boundaries" in family systems. Which specific behaviors in your family match these patterns?
Document what your typical week looks like right now. Hour by hour, day by day. Where would dating actually fit? What would you need to change or sacrifice? Are you willing to make those changes?
List 5 people who you trust and who have shown they care about your wellbeing. For each: How close do you feel to them? Have they expressed concern? Could you call them at 3am?
Identify three other family relationships that are estranged or strained. What's the common pattern across all of them? What does this reveal about your family's conflict resolution style?
Track for one week: Every time someone says "that's not fair" in your household. Who says it? What's the context? What's the pattern?
Investigate what rebuilding trust actually requires. Find 2-3 frameworks from therapists or books and document: What are the specific stages? What does the betrayed partner need? What does the partner who cheated need to do? How long does it typically take?
Write about the relationship dynamics you've observed in 3-5 couples you admire. What makes their relationships work? What do you see in them that you want for yourself? What's different from what you had?
Research local resources: domestic violence hotlines, shelters, counseling services, legal aid. Write down 3 specific organizations with phone numbers and what services they offer.
Research 3-5 divorce attorneys in your area. For each: What's their fee structure? Do they offer consultations? What's their approach (collaborative, aggressive, mediation-focused)? Read their reviews.
Document your time zones and natural schedules. What are your overlapping "quality time" windows? How many hours per week of good-energy overlap do you actually have?
Observe your teen's friend group. Who do they spend time with? What do you know about these friends? Which friendships do you trust? Which ones worry you, and why?
List the last 10 times you or your partner apologized. What was the apology for? Did it feel genuine? Was the issue actually resolved? What pattern emerges?
Research the physical symptoms of acute grief. Document which ones you're experiencing: sleep changes, appetite changes, fatigue, brain fog, physical pain, etc. When should these symptoms warrant medical attention?
List every communication technology you currently use (text, calls, video, apps). Rate each 1-10 for: emotional intimacy, conflict resolution, spontaneity, physical connection substitute.
Create a list of all adults who have parenting input in your children's lives (you, partner, ex-partners, grandparents who provide care). For each, note what decisions they currently make.
Document how conflict was handled in your family growing up. Who was allowed to be angry? Who had to apologize? Who got to be right? How does this pattern show up in the current estrangement?
Investigate different divorce processes available to you. Compare: litigation, mediation, collaborative divorce, DIY/uncontested. What are costs, timelines, and requirements for each?
Create an inventory of your teen's screen time and social media use. What platforms? How many hours daily? What do they do on them? When does it interfere with family time or responsibilities?
Research the concept of attachment styles. Which style describes how you showed up in your marriage? Which describes how you want to show up in future relationships? What needs to change?
Research the Gottman "Four Horsemen" (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling). For each one, write down a recent example from your relationship, if applicable.
Investigate your workplace or school's bereavement policies. How much time off do you have? What accommodations exist for grief? Who do you need to notify? What documentation might be required?
Research your support options. List: therapists in your area who specialize in infidelity (with availability and cost), support groups (online or in-person), friends/family who've been through this, books or resources recommended for this situation. Don't commit yet - just gather options.
Identify one person who has successfully left a toxic relationship. What can you ask them about their experience? Write 5 specific questions you'd like answered.
Research the concept of "trauma responses" (fight, flight, freeze, fawn). Write about which response you typically have with this family member and when you learned it.
Document the practical realities of your two paths. Research: If you stay - what would need to change (therapy cost, time commitment, emotional toll)? If you leave - what would that look like (housing, finances, logistics)? Write down the concrete facts for both scenarios.
List every reason you can think of for why you're "not ready" to date. For each reason, identify: Is this a legitimate concern that needs addressing, or is it fear/self-protection? What would "ready" actually look like?
Research your support systems. Who in your physical location knows about your relationship struggles? Who can you call at 2am? Document specific people and what support they can offer.
Research what your teen is actually dealing with at school. What classes stress them out? What social dynamics? What do they look forward to? What do they dread?
Track your emotional check-ins: Over the next week, note when you ask "How was your day?" and what kind of answer you get. Are these real connections or just routines?
Document all current financial obligations related to children: child support, activity costs, school expenses, healthcare. Who pays what? Write out the actual numbers.
Look into memorial or ritual options that feel meaningful to you. Research: celebration of life events, tree planting, charitable giving, memorial websites, art projects, etc. Note which resonate and which feel wrong for your situation.
Document all shared financial ties: joint accounts, leases, loans, bills, subscriptions. For each, note who has control and what steps would be needed to separate.
Look into custody arrangements if you have children. Research: legal vs. physical custody, joint vs. sole custody, typical parenting time schedules in your area. What arrangements exist beyond 50/50?
Create a clear picture of what you're looking for in dating right now. Are you looking for companionship, casual dating, a serious relationship, or just exploring? Why this goal specifically, and how might it evolve?
Document the last 5 conflicts or arguments you've had with your teen. What were they about? What time of day? How did each one end? What's the pattern?
Research your financial independence. How much money could you access immediately without your partner knowing? What accounts are solely yours? What's your credit situation?
List every holiday and special occasion in the next 12 months. For each, note: Where will children be? Which family members are involved? What's already been decided vs. what needs discussion?
List every person who knows about the estrangement—family, friends, therapist. What does each person say about it? Whose perspective challenges your own? Whose reinforces it?
Create a list of topics that reliably lead to arguments. For each, write down: What's the surface issue? What's the deeper need underneath?
Research books, podcasts, or memoirs about grief that match your specific type of loss. Find 3 highly-recommended resources. Read the first chapter or listen to the first episode of one - does it feel helpful or too much right now?
Gather data on your partner's daily life. What do you actually know about their typical Tuesday? Their coworkers? Their lunch spots? List what you know versus what you assume.
Investigate relationship patterns in your partnership. Look back at old texts, photos, or journal entries from the past year. Document: What was the state of your relationship before the infidelity? Were there signs? What was your intimacy like? What does the evidence actually show?
Calculate potential child support amounts using your state's calculator. Input current incomes, custody split, health insurance costs, childcare. What are different scenarios based on custody arrangements?
Research local therapists who specialize in family estrangement or family systems therapy. Document three options: their approach, cost, availability. What's stopping you from reaching out?
Track how much one-on-one time you spend with your teen in a typical week. When? Doing what? How much of it is lectures vs. actual conversation?
Document your alone time versus couple time over the past month. What's the ratio? How does each of you feel about this balance?
Calculate minimum monthly costs for independent living: rent, utilities, food, phone, transport. Compare this to money you could access. What's the gap? What would bridge it?
Write your personal "red flags" list based on your marriage and dating history. What behaviors, patterns, or situations mean you walk away immediately? Why these specifically?
Identify practical matters that need attention (estate, belongings, accounts, subscriptions, etc.). Create a list of what's been handled, what's pending, and what you don't know about yet. Who can help with each category?
Research what others in your situation did. Find 3 stories (Reddit, articles, people you know) of people who stayed after infidelity and 3 who left. For each, document: What was their decision based on? Do they have regrets? What advice do they give? What patterns do you notice?
Observe and document: Over the next 3 days, who do the children go to first when they need something? Map out the pattern by type of need (comfort, permission, help, etc.).
Document your last 5 disagreements. For each: What triggered it? How long until you talked? How was it resolved? What pattern do you see in distance-specific conflicts?
Research spousal support/alimony in your state. What factors determine it? How is it calculated? What's the typical duration? Does your situation likely qualify?
List all the responsibilities your teen currently handles: chores, homework, job, etc. Which do they do without reminding? Which require constant nagging? What does this reveal?
Research common stressors in your life stage (early marriage, parenting years, empty nest, etc.). Which of these are affecting your relationship right now? Be specific.
Track your relationship "check-in" frequency. How often do you explicitly talk about the relationship health? When was your last meta-conversation about how things are going?
Research your partner's family culture: How did they handle conflict growing up? What were mealtimes like? What was the approach to discipline? Write specific examples they've shared.
Document your "green flags" - the positive signs that someone is a good fit. What specific behaviors, values, or qualities indicate someone aligns with what you need now? How are these different from what you looked for before marriage?
Document your partner's infidelity history. Research (gently or directly): Have they cheated before? On you or in past relationships? What do their previous partners say about them? What does their track record actually show about their capacity for fidelity?
Identify three books, podcasts, or articles about family estrangement that others have recommended. For each, note: What resonated? What felt wrong for your situation? What made you defensive?
Investigate your separate vs. marital property. Document: What did each of you bring into the marriage? What was inherited? What was purchased together? How does your state divide property (community vs. equitable)?
Document your insurance coverage for mental health support. How many therapy sessions are covered? What's your copay? Do you need referrals? Are there grief-specific therapists in your network?
Research tenant rights in your area if you share housing. What are legal requirements for your name on the lease? What's the eviction process? What are your rights?
Research the concept of "continuing bonds" - ways to maintain connection with someone who died. What examples feel right to you? Which feel uncomfortable? What would honor both your relationship and your healing?
List all the physical spaces in your home. For each space, note: Who uses it? Are there any territorial issues? Where do conflicts about space happen?
Observe how your teen talks about their future. Do they have goals? What excites them? What worries them? How concrete or vague are their plans?
Research the location logistics if you were to close the distance. Who would move? What would they give up? List the concrete career, financial, and social costs.
Document what you know about this family member's own childhood and family relationships. What patterns did they inherit? What trauma might they be repeating?
Investigate your own readiness to forgive. Research what forgiveness actually means (not forgetting, not excusing). Read 2-3 articles about forgiveness after betrayal and document: What does it require? What's the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? What would forgiveness look like for you?
Explore your housing options. Research: rental costs in your area, ability to refinance to buy out spouse, selling timeline and costs, temporary living with family/friends. What's realistic on a single income?
Look into protective orders or restraining orders in your jurisdiction. What's the process? What evidence is needed? What protection do they actually provide? Write down the steps.
Plan how you'll handle questions about your divorce on dates. What will you share? What's private? How will you talk about your ex-spouse? Practice writing out a 2-3 sentence answer that's honest but boundaried.
List all the people and commitments that take your time and energy (work, kids, extended family, hobbies, friends). Where does your marriage rank in actual time invested?
Research therapists or counselors who specialize in toxic relationships or trauma. Find 3 options that take your insurance or offer sliding scale. Note their contact info and specialties.
Document your intimacy maintenance strategies. What are you currently doing to maintain emotional closeness, romance, and sexual connection? Rate effectiveness 1-10 for each.
Research your teen's sleep patterns. What time do they actually fall asleep? Wake up? How does this affect their mood and behavior? Where's the conflict with your rules?
Look into therapists and support resources. Find: individual therapists who specialize in divorce, divorce support groups (in-person or online), co-parenting counselors, financial advisors who work with divorcing clients. What's covered by insurance?
Investigate upcoming dates that will be difficult: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, family events. List them for the next 12 months. What traditions will be different? What new traditions might you create?
Research cultural or religious expectations around family in your community. Write about which expectations you've internalized and which ones conflict with your wellbeing.
Document the current custody or co-parenting arrangements in detail. What's legally agreed upon? What's informal? Where is there flexibility or rigidity?
Track moments of appreciation: For the next 5 days, note when you feel grateful for something your partner did and whether you expressed it. What's your ratio of felt gratitude to expressed gratitude?
Research the warning signs that this relationship was vulnerable to infidelity. Document: What do experts say makes relationships susceptible? (Communication patterns, unmet needs, external stressors) Which of these were present in your relationship?
Design your boundary system for physical and emotional intimacy. What's your timeline? What has to happen before you're comfortable with each level of closeness? What did moving too fast cost you in the past?
Track your partner's communication with their ex for one week (with their permission). Note frequency, topics, tone. What works well? What creates stress?
Look into practical support options available to you: meal trains, cleaning services, errand help, childcare, pet care. What exists in your community (religious, neighborhood, workplace)? What would actually help you right now?
Create a decision framework for when to introduce someone to your kids (if applicable). What criteria must be met? What timeline feels right? How will you prepare both your children and your partner?
List three people you know who have healthy boundaries with difficult family members. What specifically do they do? What have they said when you asked for advice?
List the relationship "milestones" or decisions you're postponing because of distance. What life choices are on hold? How long can they wait?
Document warning signs you've noticed: changes in mood, behavior, friend groups, grades, interests. When did they start? How severe? What have you done about it?
Identify 3 safe places you could go immediately if you needed to leave right now: friend's house, family member, hotel, shelter. Write exact addresses and contact information.
Document your financial reality. Research the practical implications: What are your shared assets? What's in your name vs theirs? What would separation cost (lawyer fees, new housing, split assets)? What's the actual financial picture - not the emotional one?
Based on your reflection so far, identify 3 specific patterns you want to change. For each, write what you'll do differently and what support you need from your partner.
Research the impact on your employment benefits. Check: health insurance (COBRA costs if on spouse's plan), life insurance beneficiaries, retirement account division (QDRO process), stock options or equity, dependent care FSA.
Write your plan for handling your ex-spouse's reaction to you dating. How will you communicate (or not communicate) about this? What boundaries need to be in place? How will you protect your new relationships from old drama?
Research what success looks like. Find 2-3 couples who survived long distance. What specific strategies did they use? What made the difference between those who made it and those who didn't?
Create your decision framework. Write down the 5 most important factors in deciding whether to stay or leave (trust rebuilding potential, your emotional capacity, their actions, your values, impact on others, etc.). For each factor, rate where you are right now (1-10) and what would need to change.
Investigate tax implications. Research: filing status for this year vs. next, dependency exemptions for children, dividing tax refunds/debts, deductibility of alimony (pre/post-2019 divorces), capital gains on home sale.
Research support groups for family estrangement (online or in-person). Document what's available and what would make you actually attend. What are you afraid you'd hear?
Design your ideal weekly rhythm as a couple. What would make you feel connected? How much time would you spend together? Doing what? Be realistic about constraints.
Research the safest time patterns for leaving. When is your partner most predictable? When are you most likely to have uninterrupted time? Document their schedule patterns.
Design your "grief first aid kit" - a list of things that help when waves hit hard. Include: people to call, places to go, activities that soothe, things to avoid. Where will you keep this list so you can access it when you need it?
Track your own stress levels and triggers around parenting your teen this week. What situations set you off? What time of day? What's the pattern between your stress and your reactions?
Create an inventory: List each child's current emotional state using specific observations. Not "Jake is angry" but "Jake slammed his door 3 times this week and refused dinner twice."
Design your ideal communication rhythm. Not what you're doing now—what would optimal look like? Daily check-ins? Weekly deep talks? What specific structure would serve both of you?
Map out what "staying" would actually require. Write down: What specific changes would your partner need to make? What would you need from them daily, weekly, monthly? What timeline feels realistic? What would be your breaking point if things don't improve?
Research: Ask your children what names/terms they're comfortable with for your partner. What do they call them now? What feels right or wrong to them about it?
Plan how you'll maintain your own life while dating. What friendships, hobbies, routines, and personal time are non-negotiable? What did you give up in your marriage that you won't sacrifice again?
Learn what evidence is useful for protective orders or legal proceedings. What should you document? How should you store it safely? What apps or methods are recommended?
Design your ideal communication rhythm with your teen. How often would you talk meaningfully? About what? In what format? What boundaries would you respect? What would you insist on?
Identify the signs or symptoms you've experienced that might be related to the estrangement (anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, relationship patterns). What has gotten worse? What has surprisingly improved?
Plan your boundaries around talking about your loss. Write down: situations where you want to talk about it, times when you don't, phrases you can use to change the subject, people who get the full story vs. the simple version.
Find out about temporary orders. Research: What can you request before divorce is final (custody, support, who stays in home)? What's the process? How long do they take? When should you file?
Plan a conversation with your partner about your relationship. What do you want them to know? What questions do you want to ask them? What outcome would make this conversation feel successful?
Write down 3 boundaries you need to set or reinforce. For each: What's the exact boundary? What will you say? What will you do if it's violated? What's your backup plan?
Document your approach to dating apps versus in-person meeting. What percentage of your effort goes to each? Which aligns better with finding what you're actually looking for? What's your trial period before reassessing?
Create a plan for the next time one of you feels distant or disconnected. What are the specific steps? Who initiates? What conversation framework will you use?
Map out your ideal divorce process. Would you prefer mediation, collaborative, or litigation? What factors matter most - speed, cost, maintaining civility, protecting assets, custody control? Why?
Map out your support network by category. Who can you call at 2am? Who can sit with you without talking? Who's good for distraction? Who can handle logistics? Who should you NOT lean on right now? Be specific with names.
Map out which battles are worth fighting and which aren't. For each current conflict point: Rate its importance to safety, values, and their future. Which 3 matter most? Which can you let go?
Map out what "leaving" would actually look like. Write down your 30/60/90 day plan: Where would you live? What would you tell people? How would you handle the logistics? What support would you need? Make it concrete, not abstract.
Design a discipline framework that both you and your partner can follow. For 3 common misbehaviors, write out: Who addresses it? What's the consequence? What's the follow-up?
Define what "reconciliation" would actually look like for you. Not what you wish could happen, but what changes would need to be real and sustained? What's non-negotiable?
Think about the conflicts you documented earlier. For each recurring issue, design a different approach - what could you do or say differently next time?
Plan how to maintain emotional boundaries while still in the relationship. What topics will you avoid? What responses can you prepare? How will you protect your energy?
Create your approach to their social media and phone use. What will you monitor? What's private? How will you balance safety and trust? What are your non-negotiables?
Plan for the trust verification you'd need if you stay. Write down: What transparency would you need (phone access, location sharing, checking in)? For how long? How would you handle the urge to monitor them? What would cross the line into unhealthy surveillance?
Plan how you'll handle the first major disagreement where children play parents against each other. Script out what you'll say to each other and to the children.
Create your daily minimum baseline - the absolute essentials you need to do to function (eating, showering, basic work, etc.). What can you let go of for now? What do you need help maintaining? What would make these easier?
Create a vision for your relationship 1 year from now. What does "better" look like specifically? What would you be doing differently? How would you be feeling?
Design your post-divorce living situation. Describe: where you'll live, how children will transition between homes (if applicable), what neighborhood/school district, timeline for moving. What makes this plan realistic or unrealistic?
Plan your visit strategy for the next 6 months. Not just dates—what will make each visit feel intentional versus just "catching up"? What do you want to experience or accomplish together?
Create criteria for when to keep dating someone versus when to end it. How many dates before you decide? What specific things are you evaluating? What did you tolerate too long in your marriage that you'll cut short now?
Map out the different levels of contact you could have: no contact, minimal contact, structured contact, full relationship. For each level, write what would need to be true for you to choose it.
Create a co-parenting framework if you have children. Plan: communication methods with ex-spouse, decision-making process for major choices, how to handle schedule conflicts, maintaining consistency across households, handling new partners eventually.
Plan what you would need to see consistently for six months before considering any change in boundaries. What specific behaviors would count as evidence? What wouldn't be enough?
Plan how to rebuild one aspect of your relationship that has eroded (date nights, deep conversations, physical intimacy, shared activities). What's the first step? What's the smallest version you could try?
Write your plan for dealing with rejection and disappointment. What will you do when dates don't work out? Who's in your support system? What self-care practices will you rely on? How will you avoid letting setbacks derail you?
Design your ideal exit scenario. What day/time? Who will be there? Where will you go immediately after? What will you take? What will you say (if anything)?
Plan how you'll honor this person's memory in everyday life. Write down 3 small, regular practices (wearing something of theirs, continuing a tradition, talking to their photo, etc.). Which feel comforting versus painful?
Create a decision-making matrix: List 10 types of decisions (medical, school, activities, discipline, etc.). For each, clarify who has final say, who needs to be consulted, and who just needs to be informed.
Design your boundaries and transparency agreements. What do you each need to share about your daily life? What level of detail feels secure versus suffocating?
Plan how you'll handle the peer pressure and social influence. What conversations will you have? When? How will you know if their friends are a problem? What's your intervention plan?
Design your healing timeline for both paths. If you stay: what does month 1 look like vs month 6 vs year 1? If you leave: same question. For each milestone, what would "progress" look like? How will you know if you're healing vs staying stuck?
Consider three scenarios: this family member reaches out apologizing, they reach out acting like nothing happened, they reach out blaming you. Write your ideal response to each. What would you actually do?
Plan your financial independence strategy. Calculate: your solo income, necessary budget cuts, additional income needed (second job, side work), building emergency fund, separating finances. What's your timeline to financial stability?
Design your response to "How are you?" for different contexts. Write out: what you'll say to close friends, acquaintances, coworkers, strangers. Practice saying each version out loud. Which feels most authentic?
Design a system for regular emotional check-ins. When would they happen? What questions would you ask each other? What would make these feel safe, not forced?
Develop your strategy for building trust. What freedoms can you offer? What do they need to earn first? How will you show you trust them while still keeping them safe?
Create a backup exit plan for if things escalate suddenly. What can you grab in 5 minutes? Who can you call? Where's the nearest safe location? What's your escape route?
Plan your communication strategy for new relationships. What pace of texting/calling feels right? How will you express needs without the baggage from your marriage? What communication patterns do you need to actively avoid repeating?
Design 3 new family rituals that include everyone and aren't tied to either previous family structure. Be specific: When? Where? What exactly happens?
Anticipate the hard conversations ahead. List the 5 conversations you need to have (with partner, with family, with friends, with kids if applicable). For each: What do you need to say? What do you need to hear? What outcome would feel like progress?
Create a decision-making framework for your future. What needs to be true for you to commit to another year of distance? What would make you decide to end it? Define your criteria.
Plan the conversation (if you're having one). Write out what you'll say in 3-4 sentences. What objections or manipulations do you expect? How will you respond to each?
Write your dating profile bio as if you're talking to someone who already knows you're divorced. What story do you tell about who you are now? What do you highlight about your life today? What feels authentic versus what feels like you're trying to prove something?
Strategize how to tell your children (if applicable). Plan: what you'll say together vs. separately, what details to share at their age, how to answer tough questions, maintaining stability in their routine, resources to support them. When and how?
Identify which other family relationships would be affected by each decision (staying estranged, limited contact, reconciliation). Who would you lose or gain? What's the ripple effect?
Plan for emotional triggers and setbacks. Write down: What situations will be hardest (seeing them, certain places, anniversaries, intimacy)? For each trigger, what's your plan? Who will you call? What will you do when you spiral?
Design your family rules for the teenage years. Which childhood rules need updating? What new boundaries are needed? How will you enforce them? What are the consequences?
Think about the unmet needs you've identified. Which ones can you meet for yourself? Which ones truly require your partner? Plan how to communicate the ones your partner needs to know.
Plan for the next major difficult date (birthday, holiday, anniversary). Write down: Will you mark it? How? Who will be with you? What would you want to avoid? What would feel meaningful versus performative?
Plan one-on-one time. For each child, schedule: When will they get individual time with their biological parent? With their step-parent? Write specific recurring times.
Plan for the hard conversations you're avoiding. What topic makes you most anxious to bring up? When will you have it? What outcome are you hoping for?
Map out the external stressors affecting your marriage. For each one, plan: Is this temporary or ongoing? What's in your control? What support would help?
Plan how you want to handle upcoming family events (holidays, weddings, funerals, graduations). For each scenario, what's your boundary? Who do you tell? What's your exit plan?
Plan how you and your co-parent will present a united front. Where do you need to align? How will you handle disagreements? When will you compromise? What's your communication system?
Choose 5-7 photos for your dating profile and write why each one represents you well. What do you want potential matches to see? What versions of yourself are you leading with? Are these current, genuine representations?
Design your support system for the transition. Identify: 3 people you can call in crisis, who can help with kids/logistics, who provides emotional support vs. practical help, what professional support you need, who to limit contact with during this time.
Strategize for post-exit contact. Will you block immediately? Allow one-way communication? Have a third party mediate? What's your plan if they show up at your work/home?
Develop a financial plan for blended family expenses. Create categories: individual child costs, shared household costs, savings for each child. Who contributes what and how will you track it?
Create your non-negotiable boundaries. Write down: What behaviors are absolute deal-breakers going forward? What would make you walk away even if you choose to try? What boundaries do you need right now to feel safe enough to even make a decision?
Create a strategy for dealing with their belongings or spaces. What do you need to keep visible? What needs to be put away for now? What can't you touch yet? What's the timeline that feels right (not rushed, not stuck)?
Design your conflict resolution protocol for distance. How will you handle fights when you can't read body language or give a hug? What are the rules of engagement?
Create a communication protocol with ex-partners. Define: What requires immediate contact? What can wait for scheduled check-ins? What topics are off-limits? How will you inform each other about important events?
Map out warning signs that you need more support. Write down specific behaviors or thoughts that would indicate you need professional help, medical attention, or crisis intervention. Who will help you notice these signs?
Design what information-sharing looks like going forward. What will you share with family about your life? Through whom? What stays private forever? Why?
Plan the conversation with your spouse about divorce. Outline: what you'll say, when and where (neutral location?), your non-negotiables, what you're open to discussing, how to stay calm, what to do if they react with anger or denial.
Plan what to take vs what to leave behind. Critical items to grab immediately? Things you can get later with police escort? What are you willing to lose to get out?
Map out your teen's path to independence. What life skills do they need? What freedoms correspond to what responsibilities? What's the timeline for the next 2-3 years?
Create a plan for maintaining individual identities. What personal goals, hobbies, or friendships do you each want to prioritize? How will you support rather than resent these?
Plan how to create more moments like the happy ones you documented earlier. What conditions made those moments possible? How can you create those conditions more regularly?
Design your support system strategy. Write down who serves what role: Who can you vent to without judgment? Who will tell you hard truths? Who will help with practical things? Who should you NOT talk to about this and why?
Identify 3 specific activities or venues where you could meet people organically. Sign up for one this week. What's holding you back from taking this step? What's the smallest version of this action you could take?
Create a timeline for separation steps. Week 1: what? Month 1: what? 3 months out: what? What needs to happen in what order for legal, financial, housing aspects?
Consider if there's anyone who could serve as a mediator or bridge. What would this person need to understand? What would you need them to do or not do?
Write out your "first date" plan. Where will you suggest meeting? What time/day works best with your life? What's your exit strategy if it's not going well? What feels safe and comfortable while still being open?
Map out the next 6 months of integration. What's one specific goal for months 1-2, months 3-4, and months 5-6? What would progress look like?
Plan your communication strategy with your partner. Write down: How often should you talk about the infidelity vs try to have normal interactions? What topics are safe vs triggering? How will you signal when you need space vs when you need to connect?
Plan your work or school re-entry strategy. When will you go back? Will you return full-time or gradually? What do you need to tell people? What accommodations would help? Who needs to know what?
Map out your negotiation priorities. Rank: keeping the house, custody arrangement, retirement accounts, avoiding alimony, specific belongings, pet custody, timeline. What are you willing to compromise on? What's non-negotiable?
Plan your emotional check-in system. How will you regularly assess relationship health? What questions will you ask each other? What frequency feels right?
Create your strategy for the difficult conversations: sex, drugs, alcohol, mental health, relationships. When will you have them? How will you start? What's your goal - lecture or dialogue?
Design a framework for making big decisions together that honors both of your needs. What's worked before? What hasn't? What structure would help?
Map out your support schedule for the first month after leaving. Who can you stay with when? Who can you call on difficult days? How will you handle weekends/nights?
Design house rules that work for children of different ages and from different family cultures. Write out 5-7 rules that apply to everyone, with age-appropriate applications.
Reach out to one person in your life and tell them you're ready to start dating. Who did you choose and why? How did it feel to say it out loud? What support do you need from them?
Plan for the "what ifs": What if they get sick? What if someone dies? What if there's an emergency? For each, what's your boundary versus your fear-based reaction?
Design a weekly grief check-in structure for yourself. When will you intentionally process emotions? What format works (journaling, talking, creative expression)? How long? Who or what will remind you to do this?
Think about your different love languages. Plan 3 specific ways you could "speak" your partner's love language this month, even if it doesn't come naturally to you.
Design your strategy for building shared experiences despite distance. What rituals, games, shows, or activities could you do "together"? What would make you feel like a team?
Strategize your career during this transition. Consider: is now the time to job search or stay stable? Can you ask for flexibility? Should you pursue that promotion or avoid new stress? How will custody affect work schedule?
Plan your response protocol for different crisis scenarios. If they break a major rule: what happens? If you suspect substance use: what do you do? If grades tank: how do you respond?
Map out the impact on others. Write down how each path affects: your children (if applicable), your family, your friends, your work, your living situation. For each person/area, what's the best case and worst case scenario for both staying and leaving?
Plan how to maintain your children's stability (if applicable). Map: keeping them in same school, continuing their activities, protecting their friendships, maintaining relationships with both families, creating new traditions, therapy or support groups for them.
Create a strategy for managing the division of household tasks. What needs to change? What conversation needs to happen? What trade-offs might work for both of you?
Plan financial separation. Which accounts to close first? How to split shared bills? When to change passwords? What's the sequence to minimize conflict and protect your money?
Design your approach to their privacy. What spaces are theirs alone? What requires transparency? How will you handle discovering something concerning? Where's the line?
Map out your support needs for different decisions. If you maintain estrangement, what support helps? If you attempt contact, what support do you need before, during, and after?
Plan for different parenting scenarios. If your partner's child breaks a major rule, outline: How will you support your partner? What role will you play? What will you not do?
Create your self-care sustainability plan. Write down: What do you need daily to stay sane (sleep, exercise, therapy, alone time)? What are you currently sacrificing that you can't keep sacrificing? How will you protect your basic needs while going through this?
Create a plan for managing advice and platitudes from others. Write down: unhelpful phrases that hurt ("they're in a better place," "time heals," etc.), graceful responses you can use, people you can vent to afterward.
Create a self-care plan for the emotional ups and downs of dating. List 5 specific things you'll do when you feel rejected, 5 things when you feel anxious, and 5 things when you need to reconnect with yourself. Be specific and actionable.
Create a roadmap for closing the distance. What are the decision points? What information do you need? When will you revisit this plan? Make it concrete with dates.
Plan how to protect your relationship during particularly stressful times. What boundaries do you need? What support structures? What can you let go of temporarily?
Identify which relationships or parts of your life are healing because of the distance. How would you protect these if you changed your boundaries? What would you be risking?
Plan for crisis management. If one of you has a mental health crisis, family emergency, or major setback, what's the protocol? How can you support from afar?
Develop your system for staying involved in their life without being intrusive. What will you ask about? How? When do you back off? How do you show interest without interrogating?
Plan how you'll preserve their memory in tangible ways. Consider: organizing photos, recording stories, saving voicemails, creating a memory box, compiling recipes. What feels urgent? What can wait? Who could help with this?
Strategize income stability. If you're financially dependent, what can you do now to build independence? Can you secure a job, increase hours, save secretly, build credit?
Design boundaries with your spouse during the divorce. Define: communication methods (text only? email for records?), what topics are off-limits, how to handle being in same space, introducing new partners, managing family events together.
Plan for the financial implications of each path. If staying: what does couples therapy cost, what financial transparency do you need? If leaving: what's the separation timeline, what assets need dividing, what's your 6-month budget solo? Make it specific.
Practice saying no to someone you're not interested in. Write out 2-3 kind but clear ways to decline a second date or end things early. What makes this hard for you? What did saying yes when you meant no cost you in your marriage?
Create a conflict resolution process. When children or adults have issues, what are the steps? Who facilitates? When do you involve the other biological parent?
Map out your self-care in three tiers: absolute minimum (water, sleep), baseline (meals, movement), and optimal (connection, purpose, joy). What's realistic right now? What single thing would move you up one tier?
Consider what accountability would look like if reconciliation were possible. Who else needs to be involved? What would healing require beyond just you and this person?
Design your truth-seeking vs peace-seeking balance. Write down: What details do you genuinely need to know vs what would just hurt more? How much disclosure helps you heal vs how much keeps you stuck? Where's your line between informed and obsessed?
Design a repair process for when you hurt each other. What does a real apology look like for each of you? What helps you move forward versus staying stuck?
Develop boundaries around couple time. Plan specifically: When will you have time alone? How will you protect it? How will you handle children's resistance to it?
Set a specific date to launch your dating profile or take your first action. What's the actual date? What preparation needs to happen before then? What's your backup plan if fear tries to delay you?
Plan what you'll tell mutual friends. Who gets the full story? Who gets a simple version? Who might you lose? How will you handle social events where you might both be present?
Design your jealousy and insecurity management strategy. What will you do when these feelings arise? What reassurance is reasonable to ask for? What's your responsibility to self-soothe?
Create a timeline for major decisions. Plan: when to consult attorney, when to tell children, when to tell extended family, when to file, when to physically separate, when to sell house, when to finalize. What's the optimal sequence?
Plan how to nurture your relationship during these years. What shared activities can survive adolescence? How will you create connection time? What traditions will you protect?
Strategize protecting yourself legally and financially. Plan: opening separate bank account, documenting assets now, securing important documents, changing passwords, consulting attorney before big moves, keeping records of everything. What can't wait?
Document how you'll track what's working and what's not in your dating approach. After each date or interaction, what will you reflect on? What patterns will you watch for? How will you course-correct?
Create a plan for integrating your separate lives. How will you stay connected to each other's friend groups, families, work lives? What level of involvement makes sense?
Anticipate your future self's perspective. Imagine yourself 5 years from now having stayed vs 5 years from now having left. For each scenario, write: What would make future-you grateful for the decision? What would make future-you regret it?
Strategize family conversations. Who do you tell first? What do you need them to understand? What boundaries will you set about their involvement? What support do you need?
Plan how you'll evaluate whether your decision is working. What signs would tell you it's helping? What would tell you it's harming you? When would you reassess?
Create your strategy for supporting their identity exploration. How will you respond to changing interests, styles, beliefs? What's acceptable experimentation? Where are your limits? How will you communicate them?
Design your strategy for social media and digital presence. Will you post about your loss? Who should know? What boundaries do you need around others' posts or memories? What would feel invasive versus supportive?
Design a strategy for handling loyalty conflicts. When a child says "You're not my real parent," or "I wish we were back with just us," what will your response be? Plan for multiple scenarios.
Schedule a specific date and time for a relationship conversation with your partner this week. Write down where you'll have it and what you want to discuss. Put it in your calendar.
Create your decision deadline and criteria. Write down: When do you need to make a decision (date)? What would you need to see from your partner by then? What would you need to feel internally? What would tip you toward staying vs leaving?
Map out how you'll integrate extended families. Plan: When will step-grandparents meet the children? What expectations will you set? How will you handle resistance or awkwardness?
Map out your approach to academic pressure and expectations. What grades/effort do you require? How will you support without taking over? When do you push vs. when do you ease up?
Plan for setbacks and regression. Write down: What will you do on a day when grief feels as raw as the first week? What helps you ride out intense waves? How will you talk to yourself during hard moments versus good days?
Choose one small way to show appreciation today. Do it, then document what you did and how your partner responded.
Design your first week of freedom. What will you do to feel safe? Who will you see? What will you avoid? How will you handle the urge to reach out or go back?
Design your ideal relationship with this family member in five years. Now work backward: what would have to happen in year 1, 2, 3, 4 to get there? Is this realistic?
Plan your new identity and future life. Envision: keeping or changing your name, where you see yourself in 2 years, what you want your life to look like, new goals or dreams you've put aside, rebuilding your social life, dating eventually. What excites or scares you?
Write a letter to your future self 6 months from now. What do you hope to have learned about dating? About yourself? What do you hope you'll have tried, even if it didn't work out? What would success look like that isn't just "found someone"?
Plan your re-entry strategy for visits. How will you transition from independent life to together time? What expectations or routines need to be discussed beforehand?
Plan how to counter the inevitable self-doubt. What will you read/watch to remind yourself why you left? Who will you call? What evidence will you review? Write 3 phrases to tell yourself.
Create a system for tracking and honoring each child's individual needs. Different bedtimes? Different privileges by age? How will you make different feel fair?
Plan for the reality that this might take longer than you want. Write down: If you're still undecided in 3 months, what would that mean? Is it okay to be in limbo, or does indecision harm you? What's the longest you're willing to stay in uncertainty?
Consider what you're protecting by maintaining distance. Your mental health, your children, your sense of self, your other relationships? Rank these by importance. What's the cost of protection?
Design your plan for handling their romantic relationships. What rules will you have about dating? How will you talk about it? What role do you want to play? What boundaries matter?
Design your emotional survival strategy. Plan: therapy frequency, coping mechanisms for hard days, what to do when you doubt your decision, maintaining health (sleep, eating, exercise), protecting your mental health, allowing yourself to grieve.
Identify one recurring conflict and write out your script for handling it differently next time it comes up. Include what you'll say and what you'll do if you start to feel defensive.
Reach out to one person today who understands grief. Write down: Who will you contact? What will you say? Do you need to talk, cry, be distracted, or just sit together? Text or call them within the next 24 hours.
Choose one fear about dating after divorce and do one small thing this week to face it. What's the fear? What's the small action? Who will you tell about it to create accountability?
Schedule a dedicated "state of the relationship" conversation this week. Pick a specific time, prepare 3 topics you need to discuss. Document what you want to say beforehand.
Create your "dating reset" ritual for when you need a break. What signals that you need to pause? How long will you step back? What will you do during that time instead? How will you know when you're ready to try again?
Design your identity reconstruction plan. Whether you stay or leave, write down: Who are you outside of this betrayal? What parts of yourself got lost in this relationship? What do you want to reclaim regardless of which path you choose?
Create a list of 10 low-effort, high-connection activities you could do together this month. Schedule at least 2 of them now.
Plan what you need to do before making any decision about contact. Therapy milestones? Conversations with others? Personal healing work? What's the timeline?
Strategize how to handle external reactions. Prepare for: judgmental family members, choosing what to share publicly vs. privately, dealing with mutual friends taking sides, responding to intrusive questions, protecting children from others' opinions, managing social media.
Write a letter to the person you lost - not for anyone else, just for you. Say everything you didn't get to say, ask questions you need to ask, share what's happened since. You don't have to keep it or share it.
Strategize long-term healing. What type of therapy? What books or resources? What new routines or boundaries in future relationships? How will you rebuild trust in yourself?
Plan how you'll maintain your authority while respecting their growing autonomy. What decisions are still yours? What can they make? How will this evolve? What's negotiable?
Plan your approach to sensitive topics like inheritance, future children together, or what children call step-parents. For each, outline: When will you address it? What will you say? What's your unified position?
Experiment with a new communication tool or format this week. Try voice memos, co-watching something, virtual date, or shared playlist. Note how it feels different.
Initiate one conversation with your teen this week that isn't about logistics or problems. Pick a topic they care about. Listen more than you talk. What did you learn?
Start a private log (in a safe, password-protected place). Document today: What happened recently that made you seek help? Include dates, specific quotes, and how you felt.
Schedule a weekly partner check-in for the next month. Put it in your calendar now. Write the 5 questions you'll ask each other every week: What went well? What was hard? What do we need to align on?
Send something physical this week—a letter, care package, or surprise delivery. Document why you chose what you sent and how it felt to do something tangible.
Create a physical comfort anchor you can use during grief waves. Choose something: a specific song, a photo to carry, an object of theirs, a scent, a prayer or phrase. Test it - does it help ground you or intensify the pain?
Schedule the full disclosure conversation with your partner. Write down: When will you have it (specific date/time)? Where (private, safe place)? What are the 5 specific questions you need answered? How will you stay grounded if you get triggered during the conversation?
Schedule consultations with 3 divorce attorneys this week. Compare their approaches, fees, and your comfort level. Choose one and book a formal intake appointment. Document what each one recommended.
Write down 3 specific things you want to tell your partner but haven't. Choose the most important one and plan when and how you'll say it this week.
Identify the difference between what you want (fantasy) and what's actually possible given their patterns. What evidence suggests they can change? What evidence suggests they can't or won't?
Identify one rule or boundary that's causing constant conflict but isn't actually about safety or core values. Relax it this week. What changed in your relationship?
Research one resource that could help your relationship (book, podcast, therapist, workshop). Commit to one specific action: buy the book, schedule the appointment, or share the recommendation with your partner.
Schedule one form of professional support this week. Research and book: a grief counselor consultation, a support group meeting (even just to observe), a doctor appointment to check in, or a call to a grief hotline. Write down when and who.
Secure all financial documents today. Make copies of: last 2 years tax returns, pay stubs, bank statements, retirement account statements, mortgage/lease, car titles, insurance policies. Store them somewhere safe outside your home.
Write the email, letter, or message you would send if you decided to communicate your boundaries. Don't send it—just write it. What's the core message? What tone feels true to you?
Create a safety folder (physical or digital in secure cloud). Gather: copies of important documents, evidence of abuse, photos of injuries, threatening messages, financial records. What can you collect today?
Book your next visit right now, even if it's months away. Having a date on the calendar changes everything. Document how having it scheduled affects your anxiety level.
Initiate a conversation with your ex-partner about co-parenting coordination. Draft the message or outline the phone call. What specific information do you need to share? What do you need from them?
Create your crisis response toolkit. Document right now: 3 people you can call at 3am, 3 activities that ground you when you're spiraling, 3 phrases you can tell yourself when the intrusive thoughts hit. Save this somewhere you can access when you're in crisis mode.
Create a crisis plan for when the estrangement feels overwhelming. List: three people to call, three things to do immediately, three thoughts to remind yourself. Post this somewhere visible.
Create a "getting to know you" activity for this week that pairs each child with a different adult in the family. Write what you'll do and when.
Identify one recurring conflict or frustration and propose a specific solution to your partner this week. Not a complaint—an actual experiment to try differently.
Schedule a weekly one-on-one time with your teen - even 20 minutes. Let them pick the activity. Put it in your calendar now. When? What will you do?
Take photos of important documents you can't take originals of yet: IDs, birth certificates, financial records, medical records, insurance cards. Store them in a secure email or cloud account they can't access.
Implement one boundary that would protect your relationship. Write down what it is, why it matters, and how you'll maintain it. Start this week.
Book a therapy session this week. Write down: Which therapist will you call (from your research)? When will you call them (specific time today or tomorrow)? What will you say when you call? If they're not available, who's your backup option?
Open a separate bank account in your name only this week. Start depositing at least part of your income there. Track what you spend to understand your solo budget. Don't drain joint accounts - document everything.
Do one small thing today to care for your body. Choose exactly one: drink water with each meal, take a 5-minute walk, eat one real meal, take a shower, go to bed 30 minutes earlier. Which one will you actually do?
Try speaking your partner's love language in one specific way tomorrow. Document what you did and what happened.
Practice the exact words you'll say when someone asks about your family at social events. Say it out loud three times. What feels honest without over-explaining? What shuts down follow-up questions?
Set up a code word or signal with one trusted person that means 'I need help now.' Tell them what action to take if you use it. Write down: Who? What word/signal? What should they do?
Reach out to someone in your physical location this week for connection—friend, family, community. Notice how local support affects your relationship anxiety.
Write your teen a note (physical or text) sharing one specific thing you appreciate about them. Not generic praise - something you noticed recently. When will you give it to them?
Make a list of every shared asset and its approximate value - house, cars, furniture, electronics, collections, jewelry. Photograph valuable items and sentimental belongings. Update this inventory weekly until separation.
Set up a private signal or phrase that you and your partner can use to call a timeout when parenting disagreements arise in front of the children. Decide it now and write it down.
Set up a transparency system if you're trying to rebuild trust. Write down: What specific access do you need (phone, social media, location)? How will you ask for it? What will you do with that access (check daily, only when triggered, random checks)? When will you re-evaluate if this is helping or harming?
Tell someone specific what you need instead of waiting for them to ask. Write down: Who will you tell? What do you need (a meal, silence, company, help with a task)? Practice saying it out loud: "I need..." Then ask.
Schedule an appointment with a therapist who specializes in divorce within the next 2 weeks. If cost is an issue, research sliding scale options or divorce support groups you can start attending this month.
Schedule one therapy session or call one therapist this week. Document what you want to address in the first session. What's the main question you need help with?
Create a no-contact or minimal-contact plan with the other person. Write down: What specifically needs to happen (blocking, job change, social circle adjustment)? Who enforces it - you or your partner? How will you verify? What happens if contact occurs?
Book a session with a family therapist who specializes in blended families. Research 3 options, note their availability and approach, and make a decision about which one to contact this week.
Take one item from your mental load and either delegate it, automate it, or discuss sharing it with your partner. Act on this within 48 hours.
Create a simple memorial or tribute today - something small and personal. Light a candle, plant something, donate to a cause they cared about, or do something they loved. Document what you did and how it felt.
Change passwords on your personal accounts to something your partner couldn't guess. Enable two-factor authentication. Check: email, banking, social media, phone backup. Do this from a private device if possible.
Create a shared document, playlist, photo album, or project you both contribute to. Start it this week. Document how having something tangible together feels.
Have the talk you've been avoiding. Pick one difficult topic. Plan when and how you'll bring it up. Actually do it this week. How did it go?
Set a boundary or make a request you've been avoiding. Do it this week. Document what you asked for and how they responded.
Prepare a go-bag and hide it somewhere safe (friend's house, car trunk, work locker). Include: clothes, medications, copies of documents, cash, phone charger, spare key. Where will you hide it?
Implement one change to give them more autonomy this week. Extended curfew? More privacy? Decision-making power? What did you choose? What boundaries did you set?
Have the conversation with your spouse about wanting a divorce (if you haven't yet). Set a specific date and time this week. Write down your main points beforehand. Stick to 'I' statements and your decision, not a negotiation.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and let yourself fully grieve - cry, rage, feel it all without holding back. Give yourself permission. Afterward, write down: What came up? What do you need now? Did allowing it feel different than fighting it?
Hold a family meeting this week. Set the agenda: What will you discuss? What won't you discuss yet? What outcome are you hoping for? Prep a simple activity or ice-breaker to start.
Set up one recurring time for connection (morning coffee, evening walk, Sunday check-in). Put it in your calendar and protect it for the next 4 weeks.
Write a letter to your family member that you'll never send. Say everything—the hurt, the anger, the grief, the longing. Then write what you imagine they'd say back. What does this reveal?
Document your emotional state daily for the next 2 weeks. Set a phone reminder for 9pm every night. Write down: How you felt today (1-10), what triggered you, what helped, what you need tomorrow. This creates data for noticing patterns and progress.
Create a crisis plan for when emotions overwhelm you. Write down: 3 people you can call, grounding techniques that help you, what you'll do instead of fighting/begging/panicking. Keep this list on your phone.
Invest in your individual life this week—pursue a hobby, deepen a friendship, work on a personal goal. Note how your relationship feels when you're more fulfilled independently.
Identify one specific behavior or dynamic that needs to change this month. Write what you will do differently starting tomorrow. Tell your partner your plan.
Address one unmet need by taking action - either meeting it yourself or having a direct conversation with your partner about it. Do this within the next 3 days.
Open a new bank account at a different bank in your name only. Use paperless statements sent to a private email. Transfer small amounts regularly if possible. Set this up this week.
Start a simple grief documentation practice. Choose your format (voice memos, journal, notes app, art, photos). Record one entry today about where you are right now. No rules, no editing, just documenting this moment.
Tell one trusted person the full truth this week. Write down: Who will you tell? When will you reach out to them (specific date)? What do you need from them (just listening, advice, distraction)? Practice saying out loud: "Something happened and I need to talk to you about it."
Create a self-care plan for difficult days: what you do instead of reaching out impulsively, scrolling their social media, or ruminating. List specific, concrete actions you can take in 5 minutes.
Meet one of their friends or friends' parents. Ask your teen to introduce you, or arrange a casual meetup. What did you learn? How did it change your perspective?
Create a shared family calendar that everyone can see. Add: custody schedules, activities, family time, one-on-one time. Implement it this week.
Establish immediate boundaries with your partner. Write down: What physical boundaries do you need right now (separate beds, space, no touching)? What communication boundaries (daily check-ins, no surprise visits)? Tell your partner these boundaries today in writing or in person.
Research and commit to one concrete step toward closing the distance. Job application, apartment search, or tough conversation. Do it this week, even if it's scary.
Set up separate passwords for all accounts this week - email, banking, social media, phone, computer. Change shared streaming/subscription logins. Enable two-factor authentication. Document all accounts in a secure password manager.
Create a shared list (digital or physical) where you both can add date ideas, conversation topics, or things you appreciate about each other. Add your first 3 entries today.
Gather cash in small amounts that won't be noticed. Hide it somewhere safe outside your home. Goal amount based on one month expenses. Track: where hidden, how much, when you can add more.
Create a family meeting ritual - weekly or biweekly. First meeting: let your teen help set the agenda. What will you discuss? When? Who leads? Start this week.
Protect one hour today from all responsibilities and obligations. Clear your calendar. Write down: What will you do with this hour? Nothing is fine. Falling apart is fine. What do you need to not do for just 60 minutes?
Reach out to one person in your support system this week specifically to talk about the estrangement. What do you need them to understand? What support are you asking for?
Identify one external stressor you can reduce or eliminate. Take the first concrete step toward that this week.
Write a letter to each of your children (don't send yet). Express: What you hope for them in this new family, what you understand is hard, what will never change about your love for them. Save it to revisit.
Apologize for one specific thing you did wrong recently as a parent. Be genuine, take responsibility, don't justify. How did your teen respond?
Identify one practical matter you've been avoiding and take the smallest possible step toward it today. Not solving it - just one tiny action: one phone call, one email, one piece of paperwork. What's the single next step?
Ask your partner directly: "What would make you feel most loved and connected this week?" Then do that thing. Document what they said and how they responded.
Start your financial independence plan today. List: what expenses you can cut, what you need to earn, what skills you could monetize, what assets you could liquidate. Apply for one side income opportunity or update your resume this week.
Reach out to one trusted person today. Tell them what's really happening. Ask if you can use them as emergency contact, safe place, or just someone to check in with. Who will you contact?
Document your current boundaries in writing: who knows what, what you will and won't do, what contact you'll have. Share this with one trusted person for accountability.
Create evidence of your current state for future reference. Write a dated journal entry right now describing: how you feel, what you know, what you're thinking. Seal it and label it "open in 3 months." Future-you will need to see where you started.
Remove or modify immediate triggers in your environment. Write down: What physical items remind you of the betrayal (photos, gifts, clothes)? What digital triggers (social media, shared playlists)? Choose 3 to address this week - hide them, delete them, or modify them.
Commit to one change in your evening routine that would create more quality time together. Implement it starting tonight and reassess after one week.
Write down your decision: Am I all-in on making this work, or am I one foot out? If you're uncertain, what specific information or timeframe would help you commit or walk away?
Call a domestic violence hotline (National: 1-800-799-7233). You don't have to leave today - just gather information. Prepare 3 questions to ask. When can you call from a safe location?
Say no to something this week. Choose one obligation, event, or request that feels like too much. Practice your decline: "I can't right now" or "I need to take care of myself." Who will you say no to? When?
Identify and reach out to your support network this week. Tell 2-3 trusted people what's happening and specifically what you need from them (listening, childcare help, distraction, accountability). Accept help when offered.
Set up a co-parenting check-in with your partner or co-parent. Discuss one area where you're misaligned. Come to agreement. When will you meet? What will you discuss?
Choose one area of conflict and create a concrete experiment for the next 2 weeks. Write: What will you try? How will you measure if it's working? When will you evaluate?
Block, unfollow, or mute this family member on all social media platforms right now if you haven't. Document how you feel immediately after and one week later. What changed?
Schedule a financial audit conversation. Write down: When will you have this conversation (within 2 weeks)? What accounts do you need to review? What documentation do you need to gather? If you're considering leaving, what do you need to protect or separate right now?
Arrange for each child to maintain a special tradition or connection with their biological parent that's protected time. Schedule the first one this week.
Research and join one divorce support community this month - online forum, local support group, divorce coaching program, or social media group. Introduce yourself and ask one question. Notice you're not alone.
Capture one memory before it fades. Record a voice memo telling a story about them, write down a specific conversation, save a text thread, or ask someone else to share a memory. Do this today, not later.
Start a journal specifically about this estrangement. Write one entry this week: What do you need to accept that you keep resisting? What's the cost of that resistance?
Remove one form of surveillance or checking up that's based on anxiety, not evidence. Stop checking their location? Reading their texts? Going through their room? What did you stop?
Schedule an appointment with a therapist or counselor this week. If cost is a barrier, research sliding scale options. Making the appointment is the action - you can cancel if you're not ready.
Practice saying no to one small thing this week. Notice what happens - to you, to them. Document the response. This is practice for bigger boundaries.
Identify one behavior pattern you learned from this relationship that shows up elsewhere. Choose one small action this week to do differently. What happens?
Create your weekly self-care non-negotiables. Write down: What 3 things will you do EVERY week no matter what (therapy, exercise, friend time, hobby)? Put them in your calendar right now as recurring events. Treat them as unbreakable appointments.
Create a document to track everything starting today. Record: all conversations with spouse about divorce, financial transactions, agreements or disagreements, children's reactions/needs, attorney consultations. Date and detail everything - this is your evidence.
Teach your teen one practical life skill this month. Cooking a meal? Budgeting? Laundry? Car maintenance? Schedule the lesson. When? What skill? How will you make it collaborative, not a lecture?
Create your "I can't today" emergency plan. Write it out now: When everything feels impossible, who will you text? What's the one number you'll call? What can you postpone? Keep this somewhere visible.
Start a gratitude practice as a family. Choose the format: dinner ritual, bedtime routine, or weekly share. Introduce it within the next 3 days.
Create a self-soothing toolkit for after difficult interactions. List 5 specific things you can do in 5 minutes to calm yourself: breathing technique, grounding exercise, person to text, song to play, physical movement.
Identify your biggest trigger moment with your teen (time of day, situation, behavior). Next time it happens, try a different response. What will you do instead?
Reach out to someone else in your family who might understand, or who you've been avoiding because it's complicated. What do you need to say? What do you need to know?
Draft the letter you'll never send. Write everything you want to say to your partner (or the other person) with no filter - rage, grief, questions, everything. Don't send it. Save it. Re-read it in a week. What does it tell you about what you need?
Do something they loved or something that reminds you of them. Cook their recipe, watch their favorite movie, visit a place you went together, listen to their music. Notice how it feels - painful, comforting, or both?
Identify your support system outside the family. List 3 people you can talk to honestly about blended family struggles. Reach out to one of them this week.
Plan and execute one act of self-care today that has nothing to do with your divorce. Take a walk, call a friend, do something you loved before this crisis. Put it on your calendar weekly. Practice remembering you exist outside this situation.
Create a "when they reach out" protocol: what you'll do with a call, text, email, or message through others. Write the exact steps. Who will you tell? What's your response timeline?
Write a letter to yourself about why you're considering leaving. Seal it. Put it somewhere safe. This is for future-you when you doubt yourself. Date it and describe what happened this week.
Identify your decision checkpoint date. Write it in your calendar right now: the date you'll re-evaluate whether to stay or leave. It should be far enough to gather information (at least 1 month) but not so far you stay in limbo forever (not more than 3 months). On that date, you'll review all these questions and decide.
Document your current parenting agreements with your partner in writing. Set aside 2 hours this week to write out what you've agreed on so far. Use it as your baseline.
Make temporary living arrangements if you need to separate before divorce is final. Within the next week: research options, calculate costs, determine timeline. If one of you is moving out, agree in writing who leaves and when.
Connect with one other parent of a teen for support. Share your struggles honestly. Ask about theirs. Who will you reach out to? When? What do you need from this connection?
Set up one recurring support touchpoint. Schedule: weekly therapy, a standing coffee date with a supportive friend, a support group meeting, or a regular phone call. Put it in your calendar now with reminders.
Create a visual reminder of one core value you want to guide your parenting through these years. What is it? How will you remember it when things get hard? Put it somewhere you'll see daily.
Take one concrete step toward independence this week. Options: job application, apartment search, consult with a lawyer, visit a shelter, reconnect with an old friend. Choose one and do it. What will it be?
Take one concrete step toward your post-divorce future today. Update your resume, research apartments, plan a trip you've always wanted to take, reconnect with a friend you lost touch with. Make this divorce the beginning of something, not just an ending.
Check in with yourself one month from today. Put a calendar reminder right now with a link to these notes. On that date, read what you wrote and add: What's different? What's still the same? What do you need next?
Reflect in writing one month from now: what decision did you make about contact or boundaries? What action did you take? How do you feel about it? Schedule this reflection now.
Create your action plan for the next 72 hours. Write down: What are you doing today to take care of yourself? Tomorrow? The day after? Make it specific (calling therapist, going for a walk, asking friend to dinner). These first days are critical - make a plan you can actually follow.
Plan a low-stakes fun activity for the whole blended family within the next two weeks. Choose something with no pressure, where conversation happens naturally. Book it now.
All Relationships Expert Readings
Relationships Planning Guides
Building a Blended Family
Navigate the challenges of merging families and stepparenting
Difficulty: intermediate
Contains 60 questions and 0 expert readings
Dating After Divorce
Rebuild confidence and navigate the dating world after divorce
Difficulty: beginner
Contains 45 questions and 0 expert readings
Ending a Toxic Relationship
Recognize patterns, set boundaries, and safely exit unhealthy relationships
Difficulty: intermediate
Contains 60 questions and 0 expert readings
Family Estrangement
Cope with and potentially heal family rifts
Difficulty: advanced
Contains 60 questions and 0 expert readings
Grieving a Loss
Process grief and find meaning after losing a loved one
Difficulty: intermediate
Contains 60 questions and 0 expert readings
Improving Marriage
Strengthen communication, intimacy, and partnership in your marriage
Difficulty: intermediate
Contains 55 questions and 0 expert readings
Long Distance Relationship
Maintain connection and trust across distance
Difficulty: beginner
Contains 55 questions and 0 expert readings
Navigating Divorce
Complete guide to managing the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of divorce
Difficulty: intermediate
Contains 60 questions and 0 expert readings
Parenting Teenagers
Navigate adolescence with communication and boundaries